Happy Halloween

What do you think of when you think of Halloween? I think candy, costumes, decorations, thrills and chills for the kiddies and booze, partying and costumes for the grown-ups. This is a tradition that has a very unclear place in today’s society. Why do we do the things we do? Hell, because it’s fun! No denying that! Who wouldn’t want to pretend to be someone or something they’re not for just one day? Who doesn’t want an excuse to decorate and eat candy and party? To break away from the every day. What about autumn? Does Halloween bring thoughts of fall? The harvest season? Maybe for some, but I think most typical American’s just do what they do for this tradition and don’t ask many questions as to why.

So, that being said, I thought it would be fun to explore the actual origin of Halloween. It turns out the tradition is thousands of years old. Started by a tribe in Europe called Celts, Halloween was originally a festival called ‘Samhain’. The Celts were a pre-Christianity tribe who worshipped nature. They believed that winter represented death and darkness marking November 1^st as the first day of their season of death (winter). It is important to note that the Celts livelihood was food crops, so winter did bring the fear of starvation.

And so the ritual began, marking the Eve of the first day of their winter as a day when the spirits of the dead come out to play. They believe that on this day, the boundaries between the living and the dead dissolved. They believed that ghosts, goblins, witches, elves, etc were surrounding them striving to hurt them. There were rituals in which they would sing and dance around a fire in elaborate costumes of animal heads and skins mimicking evil spirits trying to gain their good will. They would leave food and drink outside their doors for the good spirits of passed family and friends to enjoy. People acted crazy on this day. Men dressing like women and women dressing like men. People running about, knocking on neighbors doors asking for food.

Although the first know celebration of October 31^st was by the Romans, who worshipped various gods and used this day for a special feast to honor Pomona, goddess of the fruit tree, we can see a clearer correlation to present day tradition with the customs of the Celts.

Here are some interesting tidbits on the ancestry of current Halloween tradition. The colors orange and black which we have come to know as the colors of Halloween represent both death (black) and the harvest (orange). Death and the harvest are the two driving forces behind the beginning of Halloween.

Trick or treating stemmed from a tradition called ‘souling’ in which beggars would go from village to village asking for soul cake. If this donation was received it was believed the beggars prayers enabled souls of the donors relatives to travel to the heavens. It was referred to as the ‘mischief night’ when people were allowed to go about playing pranks without fear of punishment, hence trick…. or treat.

Roots of the Jack O Lanterns are pretty grim. This is an old story about a man who made a deal with the devil. Oh yea, the good old timeless tale of a condemned soul. To make a long story short, basically the Jack O Lantern is meant to represent a damned man or a damned soul. Yikes! Cut off the top, pull out all the flesh inside, cut out the eyes, nose, mouth. I used to think they were cool, but now it just seems creepy!The actual carving of pumpkins originated in Ireland and turnips were the original food of choice. When the custom migrated to North America they found pumpkins in abundance and made the switch.

During the medieval Christian era when witches were ostracized, burned, etc it was believed they would turn into black cats to try and protect themselves. This is the start of the superstition that a black cat equals evil. Oh, but they’re so fuzzy and cute!!! Psh! Christian, can’t live with ‘em, can’t live without ‘em.

Halloween was brought to America by European immigrants, where the customs slowly came into what we know of this holiday today. The commercialized Halloween package was born. There are many more details in history that have helped to create the Halloween we know and love today, but I hope we all have a better understanding for the holiday now. Hopefully the ghost stories, bon fires, jack o lanterns, trick or treating and costumes we know today have a little bit more meaning for everyone now. To summarize, Halloween is a celebration of the harvest feast, as well as the celebration and elaborate deterrence of spirits both good and evil. Geez…. I’m proud to be an American, but what a ridiculous holiday.

Read more!

Trying harder -- Platforms to success

I am currently working towards my next platform. I can see the ultimate ends result, but breaking my goals down into platforms helps to keep me from getting overwhelmed, and allows me to bask in the glory of each platform achieved. Nothing beats that proud feeling of accomplishment and rewarding myself as I see fit.

Basically, I start by clearly defining my goals. Then I envision myself already having reached my next platform. This Miranda is a non-smoker, an avid writer, dedicated in physical fitness and healthy eating, and instead of being a nightly drinker of adult beverages, she is a social drinker. What will this Miranda look like? How will this Miranda feel? How does this Miranda act? How does this Miranda react? I envision with clarity. I put my mind in that place. I become that person, even if only for a brief few moments in a state of meditation.

I am still in the beginning stages, but I’ve made a lot of progress in this last week. The catalyst for these changes was a cold I was fighting last weekend. I felt like total crap. I couldn’t help but realize how worthless smoking cigarettes and eating like crap was for boosting my immune system and helping me fight this virus off. If anything it was making it worse. I had been eating these cup o noodle things for the past 2 weeks every single day, sometimes 2 or 3 of them a day! So with poor nutrition and inhaling toxic smoke day in and day out, I deserved to feel like crap. That was about the moment I became more determined to make a change happen.

My last cigarette was 10/20/10 at 12:45pm. I know that was only two days ago, however I am going strong and I feel that the worst of it is withering away with each moment. I feel empowered. I made a choice and I am seeing it through, and that feels good. Once I make it through the weekend, I will consider that goal accomplished. I have found it to be extremely helpful to be aware of my triggers, which are primarily driving and after I eat. I purposely prepare myself mentally. I put on my mental armor to power through those times when I know the ‘urge’ is going to sneak up on me. So far that approach has served me well, and I am 100% confident that I will be standing on that platform as a non-smoker in no time at all.

I made a promise to myself last Friday that starting Monday morning I would get up at 5:30 a.m. all week and get a great start to my day. I promised myself I would use that extra time in the morning to exercise, shower and eat breakfast. I deduced that this would be much easier on me since Jay gets up at that time to get himself to work. I was only dedicated to doing this every morning this week, as I did not want to overwhelm myself. I could do it for one measly week right? Well, let me tell you, I’ve gotten myself up and I feel great! It is so nice to get that start to the day. I get up and do Pilates. Then I relax with a cup of coffee and watch the news for a while, get my forecast for the day, etc. Then I shower and get Nevaeh up. We eat breakfast together, which is so great. The extra time in the morning also gives me the opportunity to take more pride in my appearance. Something I never could do when I would roll out of bed at the last possible second and rush out of the house. I really love the extra time in the morning. Not only that, but after work, when I would normally work out, is now time to spent with my family and relaxing. My workout has already been squared away! I can’t wait to keep up my morning routine!

I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in 7 days. I have absolutely no withdrawals or urges to drink whatsoever. I am perfectly content to save adult beverages for special occasions or social situation. Plus, with all the exercising and eating right I’ve been doing this week, I do not need the extra empty calories either! This daily habit was very easy to let go of. I am relieved to have taken that step so easily. It helps a lot to have another adult in the house that also has the same ‘take it or leave it’ mentality when it comes to alcohol. I am very grateful for the support I get from Jay. It is a really good feeling to know that I am supported in every aspect of my endeavors. I have nothing working against me and that is such a relief.

So now I feel the only thing left for me to do is step onto the platform and own it. I’m right there, I just have to step up and stand tall. So you may be wondering what will the me of my next, higher platform look like? Hmmmmm, I think she will be more mindful and patient. She will take in every moment, and she will savor the time with loved ones. I think the Miranda of the next platform will suddenly feel motivated to finally get the basement organized and how I want it! And of course, continue to follow the path of a healthier self. This is an ongoing journey of learning to cook more with whole, real food and less out of a box, processed garbage. Expanding my horizons of physical activity so my body looks as good as it can and my level of endurance is the best it can be. The Miranda of the next platform will try harder in life in general, with an emphasis on nurturing the relationships that are dearest to my heart.

Read more!

25 To Go

It may seem to some that I delve too deeply in my posts sometimes. This may be true. It may be too much for some people who are content holding their deepest feelings and emotion and fears and insecurities inside. So I’m sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable. This is healthy for me. This is helpful to me. Transforming intangible fears and insecurities into sentences helps me to make sense of myself when I feel like I’m falling apart. The ability to express myself through writing is a gift that I treasurer and am eternally grateful for.

I recently went through a very brief, but very dark period that I didn’t see an end too. Posting about it (see 25 down) shook me into a perspective that is so good and healthy that I wouldn’t take back any of the bad things I felt. Not for the world.

I have found my way back into the light. It’s a place where I can find all of my blessings and I can find true perspective. Not the kind of perspective that gets filtered through all my limiting beliefs, or negative emotions and experiences, but a perspective that comes from the truth of my reality as it is. Not as I choose to see it when I’m feeling blue, but as it truly is. Perfect.

I’m on the verge of saying goodbye to the first 25 years of my life. That door is closing, and I’m starting to see that there is a party waiting behind the door to the next 25 years. The next 25 years of my life will go down in the history of all things AWESOME! But only if I allow it. Only if I can accept it.

I would really like to take this opportunity to share all the things I am so grateful for and all the reason my life rocks!

I have a beautiful four-year-old daughter. I could never make anyone understand the wonder she’s brought into my life. She is a very special little girl. Maternal is so many ways and so compassionate, that sometimes I wonder how she is my child. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve such a precious gift. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to appreciate her the way she deserves. I wish I had more patience. Still, she has slowly and patiently led me into what life is like through her eyes and it’s beautiful! She deserves more of me than I give her, and I am honored to continue to better myself as a mother and build this most important relationship.

I am in a relationship with the greatest guy ever. Each day he shows me how much he cares for my daughter and me, and I know he does it without even thinking. Every now and then I feel like I must be dreaming. This can’t be real. He can’t make me this happy. Something’s going to go wrong. I admit it’s taken some time for me to accept that he’s all mine and I deserve him and the happiness he’s brought into my life. I don’t know if I’m quite there yet, but I’m working on it. What I do know though, is he makes me want to be a better person. Together, along with love, respect, compromise, communication and teamwork, we can do anything! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us as we continue to grow together.

I have a great job. I honestly feel lucky to have the job I have. I’ve grown into my own, but honestly I still feel like it was sheer luck I even got this job in the first place. I feel extremely grateful to have job security and a career with Church Mutual if I want one. I feel extremely blessed to have my girls here at work. I know everyone can vouch for the fact that work is just better if you like your co-workers, and I work with some really cool chicks.

I have a great home that I still feel dreamy over every now and again, just because I finally feel like Nevaeh and I have a place to call home sweet home. Not just someplace we are staying until something better comes along, but a real home. A place for our family to spend dinners, holidays, rainy days or lazy days together and a place that is so easy to take pride in. Do you see yet why I am so lucky? Why there is nothing missing from my life? Nothing! Well, I’m not done yet!

I have great friends and family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Family and friends are easily taken for granted because you assume they will always be there. Never assume, because you never know what could happen? Yuppers, you guessed it! ASS! YOU! ME!
Shout out to my sisters Tiffany, Brittany and Corine, my dad Michael, my brother Derek and nephew Trent, my Grandma Gniot, My aunts Kris, Kathy, Laura, my Grandpa Gniot my Grandma and Grandpa Cota my girls Judy, Janelle, Ashley, Jamie, Tina, Hannah, Karla, Brenda, Ellie, Emily, Trina, Kaila, Keyanna and my guys Jay, Roddie, Aron, Kyle, Ken, Sharky and Taylor. You all ROCK! "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." I appreciate all of you so much! My life wouldn’t be the same without each and every one of you! I am lucky enough to consider all the above my friends (even my family, which is totally awesome!) "Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life."

I have my health, and my daughter is, as always, in good health as well. And although I could be making better health decisions, I have the tools necessary to make the changes and am confident I am strolling down the right path. Baby steps. Everything in baby steps.

As you can see I have an abundance. I have so many things to be thankful for I have gratitude oozing from my ears. To top it all off, I live in a world of endless possibilities. What great things lie in my future? With a beautiful home to keep, an amazing man by my side, surrounded by our prodigious children, and the love of a great big group of remarkable and irreplaceable friends and family, there is nothing slowing me down. All I have is countless reasons to be lifted up everyday. So what do I have to look forward to? EVERYTHING! ANYTHING! I can’t wait to see what will happen next! But in the meantime I love each and every moment for exactly what it is. A bounty. What are you thankful for? Count your blessing today and every day!

Read more!

25 down

I haven’t been myself lately. Although the way I’ve been feeling is all too familiar. Sad and hopeless. God, I sound like a commercial for anti depressants.


I will be turning 25 in just under a month. I’m not going to lie and say it’s not a big deal to me. It is. I am experiencing a lot of mixed feelings about this. I feel as if this is a wake up call that I’m in the real world now. I’m a real live adult now. Not only that, but also, the first quarter of a century of my life is coming to a close. 25 years are almost lived, gone, done. No second chances, no turning back, and what do I have to show for it?


Like I said, I have a lot of mixed feelings. I should be focusing on the next 25 years instead of wallowing in the sorrow of my impending aging. I got my first wrinkle the week I moved. This was about a month ago. I tried to brush it off because most of my friends are older and well versed in the life of wrinkles and gray hairs. They looked at my pathetic wrinkle and laughed and me! But, the truth is, most of the time when I look in the mirror that’s all I can see. Now it’s really hitting me that time doesn’t turn back, slow down or stop. It only goes in one direction and there’s nothing you can do about it.


There have been so many things running through my head this last week that I can’t even put them into a sensical thought process or sentence. Today, my life and me are the compilation of all of my choices and experiences. If anyone felt the way I feel right now, they would not see that as a good thing. What am I doing here? Is what I have what I really want? If not, why am I wasting my precious life? My daughter’s precious life?


I’ll be 25 in just about a month and I’ve been thinking about the last five years of my life and where I’m at now. I don’t know. I just don’t feel happy. I don’t like this part of me but I can’t help it. I’ve been trying to snap out of it but I just can’t find my way out.


Five years ago I was pregnant and single. I felt lower than dirt. Depression would have been an understatement. I wanted to die. I remember being pregnant and wishing I wasn’t all alone when I felt fat and ugly or when I had a 3am charlie horse. I remember giving birth and looking into Nevaeh’s eyes and feeling remorseful that there was only one set of adoring, unconditionally loving eyes on her when she entered the world when I knew she deserved two. That I was only looking for my own features in her and no one else’s. And every first after that, when sometimes all I wanted was someone to share the proud moments of parenthood with, and I knew I wouldn’t have it with Nevaeh.


Aside from Nevaeh there was another light of hope that helped me through all those difficult emotions that year, 5 years ago. I was still so young and I knew I would have a second chance to do it right. I wouldn’t have to go the rest of my life not knowing what it felt like to share a child with someone and have a family. To not have to do it all alone. I put all my hurt into that idea and I had confidence in it. I took comfort from it.


I feel like my mid-mid life crisis is leading me down a path of discovering that what I’ve allowed my life to become may be a huge disappointment and a direct contradiction to what I thought I wanted for myself. I’m finding that the thing I held on to so tightly for comfort in the past doesn’t have a place in my reality or my future if I continue down this road. Another child doesn’t make any sense for my situation, in fact, it’s a laughing stock. Trying to accept that makes me feel like my heart has dropped into my stomach and I’m about to retch it out all over the place. Like my insides are just being twisted and turned into mush. And in this sea of negative emotions and physical pain about my past and my current situation, there is an undeniable over cast of self-loathing. I don’t know how else to describe this feeling except that I want to crawl in a hole and die.


I guess I feel like I’ve been through some shit in my near 25 years of life. I’ve seen some shit and dealt with some hard truths and hard people. I’ve had to do some very emotionally difficult things. But I don’t think I’ve ever felt quite the way I do right now and that scares me. I feel like someone died. I feel like I’m mourning for something. I just wish I knew what to do to stop it. And I wish I didn’t feel so lonely. I wish at least one person on this earth could tell me they understood me.


My wake up call to the real world has uncovered some truths about my reality that I’d much rather have left buried. Now I need to find the coping skills necessary to rebuild this comfort I gave myself 5 years ago that’s been crumbling down around me the last few days. Hopefully I won’t make the mistake of hoping for something else that may or may not ever come to pass.

Read more!