an extension of patience

It gets easier and easier to keep my patience in check and keep things in perspective, but I still have a lot of bad habits I want to change. I’m not all around lazy, but I do have tendencies to be lazy. To just lay around and let my life pass me by.

I need to quit smoking and I think I let having a few beers after work settle cozily in my after work routine.

I lost all my baby weight within months of having my daughter, and kept it off for over a year…and now within the last 6 months I’ve managed to pack on an extra 20lbs.

How does this even happen? I don’t even have ‘I had a baby’ as an excuse anymore.

Yet, I keep stuffing my face like I’m some 12 year old with the metabolism of a super hero, and sitting on my ass in front of the TV all night drinking beer like al bundy. I’ve even done the hand in pants move…and it’s damn comfy!

I feel like I’m allowing it to be all the same. I justify everything I do…’I’m stressed’ or ‘I earned it’…. but really, it all boils down to habit. I remember a time when I had no desire what so ever to drink beer or smoke a cigarette…I just didn’t get the hype.

That mind set still exists somewhere doesn’t it? Beer is gross, cigs are gross, I’m happiest when I’m healthiest and all that jazz… yet I continue in the same direction.

It’s frustrating.

What happened to self-control? I know it’s in there somewhere! I don’t want to be a smoker; I don’t want to be a ‘have a beer or two every night to wind down’ type of gal.

I don’t want to be a lazy chunker who will always be just a little over weight cuz I don’t care enough about how I look to change my habits.

Regarding the weight (cuz that’s my main concern, I know it shouldn’t be, but whateva, I was skinny 6 months ago!) It’s not that hard to NOT sit around and eat all the time, or sit around and drink beer all the time or to feel motivated to get off my ass and do something.

I am just making it harder by thinking about how I’m failing myself all the time. I even kept a food journal for the entire month of July, and that just made me feel like even more of a failure when every other day was Chinese king buffet, pizza hut, burger king, culvers, then I’d write in big letters BAD MIRANDA! When in reality I’m just making it a bigger issue that it should be.

I should be able to eat whatever I want as long as I’m active right? I’m young enough to where it shouldn’t be that hard for me to drop some poundage and look all sexy again right?

Well, whatever. I won’t get down on myself over it. I’ve made it known that these are bad habits that must be changed. The first step is getting the issues on the table right? Here they are. Now what will I do next?