Mental block with emphasis on MEN!

A recent situation…. or current I should say, has caused me to evaluate the way I feel about relationships. Not only that, but has caused me to see that my biggest handicap is just that, relationships. Since I split from my daughter’s father in ’05 I haven’t gotten close to anyone. Now, don’t get confused, this has nothing to do with lingering feelings for my daughter dad. If it weren’t for Nevaeh I would regret the day I ever laid eyes on him. No, I’m really not sure what it is.

There have been people that I’ve been interested in, but somehow it never works out the way I envision. It seems that I always either get ahead of myself and let my feelings and imagination get out of control which in turn causes whatever guy to think I’m some sort of crazed lunatic (which I probably am!) or I freeze up and can’t even conceive of being in a relationship so whatever guy I’m interested in begins to sense that I’m am NOT interested and backs off. I don’t know I don’t know *shakes fist at the sky, I just don’t know!

In reflecting on this phenomenon, I realized that a big reason why I can’t seem to make it click with guys is because of my daughter. Getting myself back into the swing of dating was never a difficult thing for me…when it was just me. Now that my choices with guys will directly affect my daughter I guess I’m just gun shy or something. Either nobody’s good enough, or I don’t have enough self-esteem to feel out the ones that are good enough. It’s a vicious cycle.

It’s going on three years now, and I’m not even twenty-three. Enough is enough, I say! What do I have to do? I rarely think about this, but now that the floodgates have been opened I need to figure out what I have to do to get past whatever mental block I have! What’s the deal? What do I have to do? Dear God help me!