Resolutions Continued

In addition to my own personal growth, I am also constantly reviewing and analyzing my parenting (aka my role in the personal growth of my child); making sure I’m keeping Nevaeh up to speed with where she needs to be for her age, finding new things I can teach her, looking at things I can and/or should be doing differently and making any necessary changes.

Example, Nevaeh used to carry a sippy cup ALL THE TIME. Basically she was allowed to drink on a constant basis, carrying that damned sippy all around the house all day long (and this was just over a couple months ago!!!). It seriously got to the point where she would wake me up twice a night, like clockwork (midnight and 3am), to refill her sippy. When it went so far as her wetting through her diaper almost every night I decided that was waaaay too much laundry for my blood, and it finally clicked to me that I might need to make a change (ya, I’m kinda slow sometimes!).

After much nervous deliberation I dove in. She was already cool with drinking from a big girl cup during the day. It took some work to make her understand that big girl cups need to stay in the kitchen, but that was not as big of a deal as I imagined it would be. Bedtime took a few days of God awful screaming and crying for her sippy cup, as if withholding her sippy was some form of child abuse! I almost caved; it was soooo tempting to cave! But I stayed strong and even made what I felt was a very dramatic move and threw all her sippy’s in the garbage. No turning back.

There were several little things in between (the two big ones; sippy and potty) that I needed to work on. Bedtime (or lack thereof), Discipline (or lack thereof), Routine (or lack thereof) and finally, eating habits.

Bedtime usually consisted of us passing out on the couch whenever while watching a movie. This meant dealing with a monster child the next morning that didn’t get enough sleep the night before. That bad start tended to carry out through the day. We have since established a bedtime routine; clean up toys, bath, teeth brushing, story, hugs and kisses, bed by 7:30-8ish. Let me tell you, the two hours I get to myself at night are freakin’ priceless!! Why didn’t I do this sooner? She happier all around just by doing this one little thing, sticking to a bedtime!

Discipline consisted of me yelling at Nevaeh. Me getting frustrated because she didn’t comprehend all my yelling and nagging and screaming (pretty much the adult version of a tantrum). I had spanked Nevaeh a handfull of times. There was no rhyme or reason to my methods. We’ve since adopted a protocol when discipline is needed. Counting. First offense is 1…. second offense or continuing of first offense is 2…. if a count of 3 is reached it’s 2 minutes in the time out chair (THANK YOU SUPERNANNY!!!) and honestly, she’s gotten the hang of it pretty quick! Usually I only have to go to two or simply ask her if she needs a time out.

I’m no saint. I still get frustrated with her. When she’s having a day when every word out of her pie hole comes out in a whine, or when she’s hanging on my leg begging for something when I’m on the phone, or when I’ve already told her no…. I still yell from time to time, but I feel more in control of my household and myself by using this method.

The eating habits were kind of like this, I got into the habit of eating fast food, therefore Nevaeh was in the habit of eating fast food…I got into the habit of eating microwave dinners therefore Nevaeh is eating them. Just bad habits, lack of veggies, lack of freshness, excess preservative, trans fat, calories, just crap. Cooking had never been something I was good at or enjoyed. I would just feed Nevaeh off my plate because I felt it was easier. Less mess, less clean up and I felt she ate better when I was in control. Well, here’s the problem…how is she suppose to learn to feed herself if I’m always feeding her? *Shrugs, I’m not sure that she could. So I began fixing up a little plate for her to feed herself. Messes can be cleaned up, and nobody ever said having a toddler would be neat right? I then decided to start putting together a recipe book and begin getting the hang of basic cooking and committing to trying one new recipe a week. I started doing this about 2 months ago and I have to say, I LOVE TO COOK!!! I love to put the time and effort into a new recipe to achieve that long awaited first bite. And regardless how it turns out on the first try, it’s something I’ve created! I love being able to tell what I can do the next time I make a dish so that it’s a little better each time. I love knowing that I’m providing my daughter with healthier more balanced meals that are (as cliché as it sounds) made with love. Not to mention how much money I’ve saved by consistently eating at home and staying away from prepackaging as much as possible. Veggies are finally part of our daily lives!

In short, those three minor things that I’ve changed have made up a routine that Nevaeh can grow to expect and trust, which is very important for a growing child. I feel really stupid for taking as long as I did to understand that and put forth the effort to fix it, but I guess I should be proud that I recognized it and took that action. Not to compare myself to low life trailer trash but a lot of people either never identify these little things, and if they do they just don’t care to change them. Now on to the 2nd major change (reminder: first one was the sippy, I know I’m jumping around sorry).

I did start to tentatively considering diving into potty training about a month and a half ago. I had begun using pull-ups instead of diaper…but I just got scared. I was caught in limbo because I didn’t want her pissing and shitting all over my apartment, but I also nearly fainted when I realized how much more expensive pull-ups were from diapers. I’d (metaphorically) dip my toes in just to decide she wasn’t ready yet.

I think the reality of it was I wasn’t ready yet. It’s difficult because I work full time and she’s in daycare (or ‘school’ as I call it) 45 hours a week.

Then, one magical day I was getting her ready for the ‘school’, went to the closet to grab a pull up just to discover, uh oh, no more pull ups!! I had absolutely no choice but to put her in big girl undies. As soon as I got to her daycare I told the teacher ‘she’s in regular underwear today’ (about to follow that up with, ‘you may want to put a pull up on her’ but was shut down by…) ‘YAY, NEVAEH’S IN REGULAR UNDIES TODAY!!! SHE’S GOING TO GO POTTY ON THE TOILET LIKE A BIG GIRL ALL DAY!!!’ Well of course that small misunderstanding pretty much forced me to take that leap, and I guess the day I ran out of pull-ups was a blessing in disguise. To date I haven’t bought a diaper in over a month. PRAISE THE LAWD!!!! After a couple weeks she refused to wear pullups to bed so I have a bunch of those left over that I won't use. Anyone who’s paid for diaper and/or pull-ups for 2 plus years in this economy understands my excitement.

At her age, I’m learning, she soaks up EVERYTHING! She knows all her colors, ABC’s (the song; and identifying the letters), and can count to 10. Now I’m trying to teach her the difference between right and left, and I’m getting her a USA by state hard wood toddler puzzle (most because I could use a brush up myself =O) for Christmas so we can start working on the states and identifying the state she lives in and the part of the state or other states her relatives live in.

I still have a couple more things I’m working on.
I try not to underestimate Nevaeh. She’s a smart little person and I think she comprehends a lot more than I give her credit for. She’s always trying to show me that, yet I still constantly have to remind myself. She’s not a dog that should be complying with my rude commands, and she’s not a baby who I must do everything for. She’s just a little person trying desperately to learn as much as she can and become as independent as she can (or as I’ll allow) and I need to be there to help her with that. I guess my dad was right; you’re just growing up as a parent right along with your kids. Crap, I have to raise myself AND my daughter?