Thoughts

It has been a really long and stressful time. A lot of it was me allowing myself to get stressed out and allow things to get to me. I could stew in how unfair life is all day until I can't think of one positive thing left to be thankful for. I could live everyday with anger and revenge in my heart and feel justified, but why?

I would much rather be happy.
I have absolutely nothing to be upset about except the past...and that's over and done with!
I have nothing to stress out or worry about except 'maybes' and 'could Be's' and 'what ifs'. And how often to those things actually happen?

Ultimately everything is my choice. I am the queen of my own existence. I am the keeper of my own well-being. I make the choice everyday what kind of attitude I will have, what kind of outlook and perspective I will adopt, how I will feel about that day and people in it. Will I look at everyday as another opportunity for anything to happen =D!!! Or will I look at everyday as being doomed because I just want to be miserable.

Here's a tidbit. I went to court for child support on Tuesday. I went into it expecting next to nothing. Maybe $200 a month if I was lucky. The judge ordered him to pay $457 a month, and that doesn't even include back child support which we will be going to court for at the beginning of October. It made me realize how I expect the worst so that I'm not disappointed. It's a defense mechanism. It works, but I can't help but wondering what kind of result I would see if I always expect the very best.

I am constantly trying to improve myself. Quit smoking, quit eating like a pig, get into more child friendly activities, practice patience. I struggle with all of these things, but I also beat myself up over them constantly. Maybe the key is positivity, not to get down on myself when I can't change everything at once. Just focus on one thing at a time and keep it upbeat. Can I do that? Will it do any good? I guess there's only one way to find out!