Taking the pressure of resolutions

~**~I was going to wait a few more weeks to post this, but then I read my horoscope for today on Yahoo which read as follows: Your plans don't need to be kept secret in order to be successful, so share them! So here goes…~**~

I’ve decided that this year I needed to get my ass in gear with my short-term goals. I’ve looked back on my ‘manual’ journaling over the past few years and noticed that every year I make a list for New Year’s resolutions and every year I do absolutely NOTHING to achieve those goals. I know it may be partially in my genes to make proclamations of change that quickly fizzle out…. as is my list making obsession and morphing into a scary, psycho effin’ demon thing when I’m mad…. oh yea and my uncanny intellect and stunning good looks (had to throw a couple positives in there for my Grammy!), but what’s the point of life if you can’t overcome anything and everything you want whether it be environmental habits or a genetic disposition?

So any who, this year I’ve decided on a different approach, which I’m hoping will prove to be a BREAKTHROUGH in the way people look at New Year’s Resolution! I may have mentioned this in a previous post but some famous historical dude had this thing where he would make a list of things he wanted to change, work on, improve, learn, ect and just go down the list (Lincoln maybe? Never mind, I don’t know). But here’s the kicker, he would work on ONE THING AT A TIME and did not even think about any other thing on his list until he had mastered the one he was working on.

This in mind, I thought, ‘I’m putting way to much pressure on myself!’ I make my same list every year; quit smoking, lose weight, start eating better and exercising, be more patient ect, and I get as much lazy- junk food-smoking cigs as I can get in December thinking, if I have to give it up come 01/01 then I might as well indulge myself right? WRONG!!!! Come 01/01 I try and change my whole lifestyle at once…and when the inevitable failure comes I get down on myself and give up! WRONG, WRONG AND WRONG!!!

So this year I’m test-driving a different approach. I’ve been working on my resolutions since my birthday (11/04 send me a card!) and the setbacks have come and gone. So what have I accomplished you may ask? First, foremost and the number one thing on my list for the last 7 years; quit smoking. I am happy to announce it and am confident enough to official declare myself a non-smoker. I’ve been making a point to eat better, and stop eating when I’m full. I know this sounds like the most retarded thing in the world, but a lot of people continue to eat after they’ve become full. It’s mostly due to eating too fast…by the time your belly tells your brain that you’re full, you’re STUFFED! So I take my time and enjoy my meals…. it’s not quantity it’s quality and that thinking works for me because I LOVE FOOD!

So how did I accomplish all this in a few months when I couldn’t do it for the past 7 years!? I like to think it’s because I didn’t play it up in my head this time. I didn’t put undue pressure on myself, and I focused on one thing at a time. Now, I can’t lie on an online journal. I did have some outside help. The first thing I recognized was that I couldn’t do all this alone.

I did take a step that some may consider controversial, but I felt it was the right choice for me. I have been taking a prescription medication that is a dual treatment sorta thing. It’s a generic called Budeprion which is an AB rated generic for both Zyban (smoke deterrent) and Wellbutrin (anti-anxiety/depressant, mood stabilizer). It is a very safe drug with minimal side effects and is non-habit forming.

In addition to becoming a non smoker I can now more clearly see the different between a small issue (not something to freak out about) and big issue that I have no control over (no point in freaking out if I can’t change it) and the issues that are big that I can change, and then obviously making the change and it’s easier for me to let things go. Just letting some things slide is a beautiful thing because sometimes arguing, shit slinging and ‘getting back’ at someone causes more harm than good.

I know that some of you, ahem, people out there probably don’t think I have anything to be proud of. ‘Whoop de doo, you pop a pill everyday’. But you know, I am very proud of myself. There are a lot of people out there that aren’t taking any medication that EFFIN’ SHOULD BE! It took me a long time to stand up and admit that I needed more help than I could give to myself.

The medication isn’t doing all the work for me. I’ve created a list to go through in my head whenever I crave one to remind me that it’s just not worth it (I’m an example to my daughter, I can’t afford it, it’s nasty and smelly and toxic, quitting will only get harder, this is the absolute easiest it will ever be, one puff and all my work is down the tubes, ect), and that’s willpower baby…and that’s something to be proud of. The only reason I am able to achieve my goals is because I want to, and I’m working to…with or without a magic pill I’ll continue to work towards those goals until they’re met…. and if I can find some way to expedite that achievement or make it easier on myself I don't feel there is anything wrong with that.


So this year my New Year's resolution list is significantly shorter than any other year. Although I hope there will always be something I'm trying to improve. There are only two that I've set for myself for 2009. I want to start taking more pride in my appearance. I feel like since becoming a mom I just don't have the motivation/energy/time to do my hair and make up or in general give a crap about what I look like in public. However, anytime I do put time into my appearance I always feel better about myself. My second resolution is my potty mouth. I need to stop swearing so much in front of Nevaeh. It's getting ridiculous and i'm getting too comfortable with it.