These Days.....

I’ve put my lifestyle on the backburner lately and become very lazy and lax about mostly everything. I’ve somehow found myself in another rut where my only goal is to get through each day….am I waiting for something exciting to just jump out at me or do I really want my life to be like this?

I get up in the morning and go to work. I come home and make dinner (lately it’s been getting more and more quick and simple soups sandwiches, fast food and mac and cheese). Then I lay on the couch for the rest of the night pretty much. Nevaeh craves attention and stimulation and I just want to lay there and watch my shows. Have a little drinky drink. I get through the rest of the week just waiting for the weekend to finally come, but when it does I lie around, do my laundry, and clean my place…

Can someone shake me please?

I guess I feel like I’m just letting my life pass me by. My head is so far up the futures ass and I don’t even know what I’m looking forward to. My life is happening and I’m not really participating much and it drives me crazy!

I don’t know if anyone else know what its like to be in that half awake half asleep mode. Your body is asleep but your mind is conscious and alert and you feel paralyzed in your bed. It always starts to freak me out after a while until I take all the energy I can muster to jerk myself out of that weird state of consciousness but I do it and then it’s all good.

I feel like I want to just figure out a way to do that with my life. To just invoke all the energy I can find and jerk my consciousness into a totally different way of being. But alas, it is a process which must be defeated one stupid little habit at a time.

There are a lot of small changes I would like to make and it’s not hard stuff. Eating better, exercising, spending more quality time with Nevaeh, drinking less, watching less TV. and meditating more. These are not difficult things to do, and I know once the change is made and I’m consistent for a period of time, they will just stick…kind of like the bad habits stuck.

So I guess the first step is making the change. I will start with food and Nevaeh just because I feel those are the more pressing matters. Probably spending more time with Nevaeh will cause the tv to be off more.

I meditated last night and was reminded of how peaceful it is. I’ve been dealing with old bastards all day and still feel in a great mood.