25 To Go

It may seem to some that I delve too deeply in my posts sometimes. This may be true. It may be too much for some people who are content holding their deepest feelings and emotion and fears and insecurities inside. So I’m sorry if I make anyone uncomfortable. This is healthy for me. This is helpful to me. Transforming intangible fears and insecurities into sentences helps me to make sense of myself when I feel like I’m falling apart. The ability to express myself through writing is a gift that I treasurer and am eternally grateful for.

I recently went through a very brief, but very dark period that I didn’t see an end too. Posting about it (see 25 down) shook me into a perspective that is so good and healthy that I wouldn’t take back any of the bad things I felt. Not for the world.

I have found my way back into the light. It’s a place where I can find all of my blessings and I can find true perspective. Not the kind of perspective that gets filtered through all my limiting beliefs, or negative emotions and experiences, but a perspective that comes from the truth of my reality as it is. Not as I choose to see it when I’m feeling blue, but as it truly is. Perfect.

I’m on the verge of saying goodbye to the first 25 years of my life. That door is closing, and I’m starting to see that there is a party waiting behind the door to the next 25 years. The next 25 years of my life will go down in the history of all things AWESOME! But only if I allow it. Only if I can accept it.

I would really like to take this opportunity to share all the things I am so grateful for and all the reason my life rocks!

I have a beautiful four-year-old daughter. I could never make anyone understand the wonder she’s brought into my life. She is a very special little girl. Maternal is so many ways and so compassionate, that sometimes I wonder how she is my child. Sometimes I feel like I don’t deserve such a precious gift. Sometimes I feel like I don’t know how to appreciate her the way she deserves. I wish I had more patience. Still, she has slowly and patiently led me into what life is like through her eyes and it’s beautiful! She deserves more of me than I give her, and I am honored to continue to better myself as a mother and build this most important relationship.

I am in a relationship with the greatest guy ever. Each day he shows me how much he cares for my daughter and me, and I know he does it without even thinking. Every now and then I feel like I must be dreaming. This can’t be real. He can’t make me this happy. Something’s going to go wrong. I admit it’s taken some time for me to accept that he’s all mine and I deserve him and the happiness he’s brought into my life. I don’t know if I’m quite there yet, but I’m working on it. What I do know though, is he makes me want to be a better person. Together, along with love, respect, compromise, communication and teamwork, we can do anything! I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us as we continue to grow together.

I have a great job. I honestly feel lucky to have the job I have. I’ve grown into my own, but honestly I still feel like it was sheer luck I even got this job in the first place. I feel extremely grateful to have job security and a career with Church Mutual if I want one. I feel extremely blessed to have my girls here at work. I know everyone can vouch for the fact that work is just better if you like your co-workers, and I work with some really cool chicks.

I have a great home that I still feel dreamy over every now and again, just because I finally feel like Nevaeh and I have a place to call home sweet home. Not just someplace we are staying until something better comes along, but a real home. A place for our family to spend dinners, holidays, rainy days or lazy days together and a place that is so easy to take pride in. Do you see yet why I am so lucky? Why there is nothing missing from my life? Nothing! Well, I’m not done yet!

I have great friends and family that I wouldn’t trade for the world. Family and friends are easily taken for granted because you assume they will always be there. Never assume, because you never know what could happen? Yuppers, you guessed it! ASS! YOU! ME!
Shout out to my sisters Tiffany, Brittany and Corine, my dad Michael, my brother Derek and nephew Trent, my Grandma Gniot, My aunts Kris, Kathy, Laura, my Grandpa Gniot my Grandma and Grandpa Cota my girls Judy, Janelle, Ashley, Jamie, Tina, Hannah, Karla, Brenda, Ellie, Emily, Trina, Kaila, Keyanna and my guys Jay, Roddie, Aron, Kyle, Ken, Sharky and Taylor. You all ROCK! "A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are." I appreciate all of you so much! My life wouldn’t be the same without each and every one of you! I am lucky enough to consider all the above my friends (even my family, which is totally awesome!) "Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life."

I have my health, and my daughter is, as always, in good health as well. And although I could be making better health decisions, I have the tools necessary to make the changes and am confident I am strolling down the right path. Baby steps. Everything in baby steps.

As you can see I have an abundance. I have so many things to be thankful for I have gratitude oozing from my ears. To top it all off, I live in a world of endless possibilities. What great things lie in my future? With a beautiful home to keep, an amazing man by my side, surrounded by our prodigious children, and the love of a great big group of remarkable and irreplaceable friends and family, there is nothing slowing me down. All I have is countless reasons to be lifted up everyday. So what do I have to look forward to? EVERYTHING! ANYTHING! I can’t wait to see what will happen next! But in the meantime I love each and every moment for exactly what it is. A bounty. What are you thankful for? Count your blessing today and every day!